How to make dinner with allergies plus cat

Put brown rice on to cook.

Start chopping onions for stir-fry. Sniffle (allergies). Get tissue to blow nose.

Ponder existence of friends whose houses do not have a box of tissues in every room. Decide they must have  superpowers dreamt of by mere mortals such as self.

Start screenplay (in head) starring new action-movie hero: Allergy-Free Man! Watch him boldly go into fields full of pollen! Gaze in awe as he wrestles dust mites with his bare hands!

Decide screenplay unlike to find backer.

Sniffle (onions).

Cat pads in and sits expectantly by her wet-food bowl. Go to fridge, take out can of special “calming agents” cat food, pick up bowl, add food, give to cat.

Peel two cloves of garlic and chop them.

Blow nose.

Cat, having nibbled a few bites of food, walks away and gazes out French doors with the air of one who has tricky differential equations to solve.

Spoon uneaten “calming agents” wet food into can, put can back in fridge, rinse bowl and spoon.

Wash green beans and start to chop them.

Sniffle (allergies).

Cat walks back to her wet-food bowl with an expectant look on her face.

Get can out of fridge, put food in bowl, give to cat. Cat nibbles a bit more and walks away.

Ponder existence of friends whose cats get dry food twice a day and damn well like it. Or at least, eat it and don’t register displeasure by peeing on their owners’ carpets. Why am I not like these friends?

Sniffle (self-pity).

Finish chopping green beans.

Sneeze (allergies). Blow nose.

Take allergy pill.

Take slivered almonds out of fridge to add to stir-fry.

Realize have not returned remains of second wet-food serving to can and fridge. Cat will now refuse to eat these “calming agents” remnants because they are “stale.”

Spoon remnants into sink. Rinse dish and spoon.

Where was I? Oh yes. Stir-fry.

Very sleepy now (allergy pill). Lay clean dish-cloth over chopped vegetables and lie down for ten minutes.

Alarm! What? What?

Oh. Brown rice.

Right. Must now cut up cooked chicken, add to vegetables with slivered almonds, stir-fry, and serve with extra-crunchy brown rice.

Or could just eat a can of “calming agents” wet food.















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