How to make dinner with allergies plus cat

Put brown rice on to cook.

Start chopping onions for stir-fry. Sniffle. (Allergies.) Get tissue to blow nose.

Ponder existence of friends who don’t keep a box of tissues in every room. Decide they must have superpowers undreamt of by mere mortals such as self.

Start screenplay (in head) starring new action-movie hero: Allergy-Free Man! Watch him boldly go into fields of pollen! Gaze in awe as he wrestles dust mites with his bare hands!

Decide screenplay unlike to find backer.

Sniffle. (Onions.)

Cat pads in and sits expectantly by her wet-food bowl. Go to fridge, take out can of special “calming agents” cat food, spoon into bowl, give to cat.

Peel two cloves of garlic and chop them.

Cat, having nibbled a few bites of food, walks away and gazes out French doors with the air of one who has some tricky differential equations to solve.

Spoon uneaten “calming agents” food into can, put can in fridge, rinse bowl and spoon.

Wash green beans and start to chop them.

Sniffle. (Allergies.)

Cat walks back to her wet-food bowl with an expectant look on her face.

Get can out of fridge, put food in bowl, give to cat. Cat nibbles a bit more and walks away.

Ponder existence of friends whose cats get dry food twice a day and damn well like it. Or at least, eat it and don’t register displeasure by peeing on their owners’ carpets. Why am I not like these friends?

Sniffle. (Self-pity.)

Finish chopping green beans.

Sneeze. (Allergies.) Blow nose.

Take allergy pill.

Take slivered almonds out of fridge to add to stir-fry.

Realize have not returned remains of second wet-food serving to can and fridge. Cat will now refuse to eat these “calming agents” remnants because they are “stale.”

Spoon remnants into sink. Rinse dish and spoon.

Where was I? Oh yes. Stir-fry.

Very sleepy now. (Allergy pill). Put chopped vegetables into covered container and lie down for ten minutes.

Alarm! What? What?

Oh. Brown rice done.

Must now cut up cooked chicken, add to vegetables with slivered almonds, stir-fry, and serve with brown rice.

Or could just eat a can of “calming agents” wet food.













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