I’m reviewing the situation

Hey, you’ve got to pick a pocket or two.  i picked lionel Bart’s, the man who wrote the words and music for Oliver!.

“There’s class warfare, all right, but it’s my class, the rich class, that’s making war. And we’re winning.” – Warren E. Buffett

“The pump don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles.” – Bob Dylan

Rich Man
Please, serfs, I want some more.

Tune: “Oliver”

Serfs (ordinary Americans)
Oligarch, oligarch, we’ve already given you all that we’ve got
Oligarch, oligarch, why not go chill with some wine on your yacht?

Rich Man
There’s a dark, thin, scary hole in myself where my soul should be
That is why I need to live behind bars in a gated community.

Tune: “Food Glorious Food”

Serfs, Liberals
Jobs, glorious jobs! Pay, health care and pensions!
We’re losing our jobs! Who’s paying attention?

Rich Man
I made a new job today, should fill someone’s belly
Now, where did I put it? – right, in New Delhi.

Tune: “Who Will Buy?”

Small Business
Who will buy our lovely merchandise
When the serfs lose their money?

Wall Street
You can all just merge with Wa-al-Mart.


Small Business
Oh shut up, that’s not funny.




Planet Earth
Um – hello?

Tune: “Consider Yourself”

The Tea Party
Consider us all pissed off!
Consider us white, but also red with rage.
We’re looking for folks to blame!
It’s clear we’re going to name some names.

Tune: “Where is Love?”

It’s the corporations – true?
Look at what they’ve done to you!
They’ve off-shored our jobs, cut benefits,
At every turn, we’re screwed.

Where oh where is Medicare
If the rich won’t pay their share?
Our retirement pay will go away
If the right wing has its way –

Tune: “Reviewing the Situation”

The Tea Party
We’re reviewing the situation
And you nasty Liberals have a charge to face
You’ve an awful reputation
For trying to make the world a fairer place
You’d tax and spend until we’re bust
And give us health care we could trust
Fund Medicare, parental leave
Keep old folks safe: would you believe?
Do we need that? Don’t make us heave,
No wonder that we’re so aggrieved –

We think you’d better think it out again.

Tune: “Oom-pah-pah”

Fox News
Rile ’em up, rile ’em up, that’s how it goes
Lying, beguiling so they’ll never know
That we’re in bed with their master and foes –
Come on, let’s rile ’em up.


Planet Earth
Sorry to interrupt. It’s just, I’m getting kind of hot here.

Fox News, Rich Man, Wall Street, the Tea Party
Hey – government!


Tune: Be Back Soon


You can go and don’t come back!
You can go to hell and stay there!
Don’t need the likes of you
To tell us what to do.

Tune: “As Long as He Needs Me”

U.S. Government
Who else will legislate?
Who else will educate?
Who else will regulate?
You see, you do need me.
Who else will tend our shores?
Who else will fight our wars –

Spoken, interrupting

Rich Man, Wall Street, Fox News
We’ll make an exception for wars.


Tune: “Better Pick a Pocket or Two”

Why should we break our backs
Paying our share of tax?
We’ll let the serfs pick up the tab
While we pick a pocket or two – oo,
We’ve got to pick a pocket or two.

Tune: “Boy for Sale”

One house
House for sale
It’s going cheap
Now that I’m not working …


Planet Earth
Guys? I don’t know how much longer I can keep it together for you.

The Religious Right
God is good. God is great. God will tell you who to hate.



Tune: “Consider Yourself” (reprise)

Consider yourselves at home
Consider yourselves part of a family
There’s actually a lot to spare
Just care – and –
Whatever we’ve got we’ll share.



Fox News, the Tea Party, Wall Street, the Religious Right

Rich Man
You’ll have to get past my gates first.

A song starts playing: haunting, familiar. Everyone stops talking and listens. Gradually, they all join in. Song: “America the Beautiful”

O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears.

America! America!
God shed his grace on thee.
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

Pause. Then, spoken:

Rich Man
I’m scared.

We’re scared.

Serfs, the Tea Party, Small Business, the Religious Right
We’re scared too.

Planet Earth
I’m fucking terrified.

I’m waiting.

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One thought on “I’m reviewing the situation

  1. I love this. You are so clever and funny. This should be on some TV show or performed on stage everywhere !

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