Welcome to my writing process!

When people ask about my “writing process,” I long to give them the kind of answers I’ve heard from other writers.

Like, “I rise before dawn, eat a slice of whole-wheat bread with fig jam, and write for two hours. After that I go feed the chickens.” Or, “One thousand words and then I’m off to the gym!”

I admire these people beyond words, except for the words I just wrote here, but my process is a bit less structured than theirs. Like this.

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I haven’t got raisin bread either.
A brand new day! Let’s get cracking with chapter three of my mystery novel! But breakfast first. Damn, I’m out of Shredded Wheat. Okay, a quick run to the grocery store.

Home again. Oh God, the cat’s peed on the carpet again. Have I got any Urinoff? Or Anti-Icky-Poo? Okay, a quick run to the pet-supply store.

Why am I the kind of person who has to buy products with names like “Urinoff” and “Anti-Icky-Poo” instead of, like, shopping for a yacht?

Now to dump this product on the stain … blot it … try not to step in it … why does the cat have to pee in front of the bathroom door? She is a terrible, horrible animal and I’m going to take her back to the shelter and tell them — oh, hello, Luna! You need food? Of course, darling. Wet or dry?

Okay, that’s the cat sorted. Where was I? Chapter three. Though I should just check Twitter … hey, new followers! … wow, this looks interesting – and this … and I should tweet that thing I read in The New Yorker yesterday. Or was it on people.com? Better check them both.

It’s only eleven-fifteen. Why am I so hungry? Oh. I forgot to eat breakfast. I’ll just wash my hands first. [steps, barefoot, in the product-soaked cat pee in front of the bathroom door] Damn that cat! Right after breakfast, straight back to the shelter!

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Excellent cover art.

What am I going to do about cover art for my book? Though if I get conventionally published, I won’t need to worry about cover art, so maybe I should stop worrying about cover art.

I should update my blog, though. What can I write about? Why don’t I have a more interesting life? Maybe I should pretend to have one for the sake of my blog posts. “Flying first-class on a diplomatic mission to Borneo recently, I happened to be sitting between Elizabeth Warren and Queen Latifah, and a fascinating conversation ensued … ”

Do you sit between people in first class? Don’t they have, like, individual pods or something? Why am I the kind of person who never gets to sit in first class?

[Boring interlude in which some laundry gets done]

Why am I so hungry? Good Lord, it’s three-thirty. I guess I should eat some lunch.

[Boring interlude in which breakfast and lunch dishes get washed]

Okay. Blog post. Or, no. Chapter three.

What am I going to have for dinner? Why didn’t I think of dinner when I was in the grocery store buying Shredded Wheat?

Chapter three, Rhiannon. NOW.

A terrible, horrible animal.

Wait, what happened in chapter two? I’ll just read it to refresh my –

What’s that, Luna? More food? Of course, sweetheart. I’ll re-open the can for you.

So there it is: my writing process. Feel free to emulate. For total accuracy, though, you’ll need the cat. Come get her any time. I’ll throw in her carrier and a large container of Anti-Icky-Poo.

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2 thoughts on “Welcome to my writing process!

  1. Love it, love it, love it. My only difference is that I have 2 dogs instead of one cat, and as you can see, because all the publishers and agents want to see me have a platform, I’m now a blogger and networker instead of a writer. Argghhh!

  2. Thanks for your comment, Leslie. Ah yes, the curse of the “platform.” (Let’s pass over the curse of our terrible, horrible pets.) “Just how much writing would Jane Austen have gotten done if she’d had to build a social media platform?” I sometimes grumble. And then I have to remind myself that I’m no Jane Austen. But wouldn’t it have been wonderful if she’d had a blog?

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