I can’t say I’m happy about the way I’m portrayed in this guest post. Still, once you’ve been acquired by a cat, you learn to expect ingratitude along with sicked-up fur-balls and the occasional dead mouse.
But I hadn’t learned to expect that my cat might be attacked and almost killed by two dogs running off-leash (illegal in my town). She then went missing for two days, during which I got little sleep but lots of practice in putting up flyers and trying to think positive.
Two nights ago, Luna came home: shaking, filthy, and almost too weak to walk, with a nasty wound on her back. But she’s a trouper, and yesterday she dashed off this blog post while visiting the vet. I said I’d publish it if she’d accept some sensible boundaries for her time outdoors.
Cats can’t actually laugh, can they? Anyway, here’s her post.
My excruciating adventure, by Luna the cat
First there was Outdoors at Night with stars fresh air good smells and wind caressing my beautiful fur. Thank you Mother Nature.
Then there were DOGS CLAWS TEETH BARKS TERROR!
Enter a Good Neighbor with loud voice and clapping hands.
Exit DOGS. Thank you Good Neighbor.
Then there was Under the Car.
Then there was Secret Hiding Place no I will not tell you where it is that is what Secret means. In Secret Hiding Place there was hurt scared thirsty cold hungry tired lonely for a long time.
Then there was Brave Expedition to Front Yard of Home with Drip Irrigation so then hurt scared thirsty et cetera and also wet.
Then there was Painful Limp up to Front Porch of Home and door opened by the Maid who calls herself my Owner ha-ha that is funny but it hurts to laugh right now.
Then there was Closet with the Maid peering in periodically and cooing at me.
Then another Painful Limp to Living Room where the Maid lay down next to me to make sure I was still breathing. I have trained her well.
Then an attempt to jump on Bed not successful due to weakness from hurt scared thirsty et cetera so the Maid helped me no need to thank her that is what servants are for.
Then there was Maid on Bed beside me with gentle voice soft touches and singing. I could have done without the singing.
Then there was sleep. Even the Maid slept for awhile and she is not very good at sleeping although I am here to show her how it is done poor thing I do not think she is very intelligent.
Then there was Daring Attempt to Pee on Bed foiled by the Maid so just a Boring Pee in the Litter Box then.
More sleep until morning.
Enter Maid with CAT CARRIER oh my God NO why is this happening will this torment never end? And then Car Ride and Hospital.
Enter Vet who put a stick up my bum that is just RUDE and jabbed me with needles and now a buzzing noise oh no my fur is beautiful why are they shaving it?
On the plus side I have lost weight and the Maid is jealous.
And now Home again but the Maid says no Outdoors for now and then only Back Yard why oh my God it is DOGS that should be indoors ALL OF THEM IN A CAGE. The Maid says it is for My Own Good but that is what she says about Flea Treatment so I do not believe her.
Now there is Pee on Kitchen Mat to show my displeasure at being kept indoors. When I first came here the Maid told me I would be an Indoor Kitty but she changed her tune after I peed on the bathmat a pashmina and her antique velvet sofa that cost almost $500 to clean. My Pee is mighty and shall prevail.
Now there is Vomit on Kitchen Floor but that was an accident not a Political Statement.
Now there is tired weak and medicated but I am starting to feel better.
Home is warm safe food water treats soft touches and daily brushing of my beautiful fur. But also singing. But NO DOGS.
I would thank Maid for Home but that is what servants are for.