I got on Twitter because of Eddie Izzard’s feet.
Allow me to ’splain, as Desi used to say to Lucy. As a member of C.L.A.M. — Chronic Late Adopters Mob — I had just discovered the actor/comedian when he started running 7 weeks of marathons around the UK for the charity Sport Relief.
When you first discover something, you’re anxious, right? Like,”OMG, this is great! But what if it goes away?” And then you get blasé. If Izzard announced tomorrow that he’s flying to Jupiter on wings made of jam, I’d be all, “Fine. Catch you later.”
The patter of blistered feet
But in the dim mists of time to which I refer — September 2009 — I had visions of the darling “action transvestite” dying of infected blisters before his pen, or in his case mouth, could glean his teeming brain.
To allay my anxiety, I turned to Twitter, a new-fangled Social Media thingy espoused by crazy young kids like Stephen Fry, and clearly not for the likes of me (viz: C.L.A.M.). But it would keep me current re. the Izzard feet, and I could quit as soon as he packed in the marathons or died in his trainers, whichever came first.
Most of you don’t belong to C.L.A.M. At least, I haven’t seen you at the meetings … though, you in the back there, with the Annie Hall tie and the saddle shoes? You look familiar. The rest of you probably couldn’t wait to tweet to strangers, whereas I waited for years and then got instantly hooked. Here’s why.
Around the world in 140 characters or less. I love to travel, meet interesting people, and talk to them. But will that pay the bills? Yes? Please tell me how! While I wait to hear from you, I’ll be tweeting with peeps in Ohio, Baltimore, Florida, Japan, London, L.A., Dublin, Berlin, Edinburgh, even outer space (astronauts on Twitter).
Horizons? Broadened. Like most people, I tend to hang out with folks like me: Scottish Country dancers, writers, fellow members of C.L.A.M., the genetically sports-averse. Now, thanks to Twitter, I’m also in touch with techno-geeks, mountain climbers, artists, musicians and conductors, football/darts/snooker/cricket buffs, and members of other exotic tribes.
Preach, Thomas!
Where, O Death, is now thy sting? On Twitter, @DrSamuelJohnson is still working on his Dictionary (“Mister TRUMP may be a hastily-varnish’d DESPOT, but he does compose his Tweets like I do“) and @TomPaine is still one righteous dude (“My people are the whole human race…Skin colour is politically, morally and *should* be legally irrelevant”). But @willshake has updated his diction a bit: “Thus, with a kiss, I die. Unless you’re up for second base?”
Fiction? Get real! Tower Bridge is on Twitter (“I am opening for the SB Cabby, which is passing upstream”), and so is Big Ben (“BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG)”. But as I update this post in 2020, I’m sorry to report the departure of @feministhulk, who used to make me laugh with tweets like: “DEEPLY ENTRENCHED PATRIARCHAL IDEOLOGIES HARD TO SMASH. THAT WHY HULK ALWAYS STRETCH FIRST.”
Do good! Twitter makes it easy to find and give to wonderful charities like She’s the First, the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, and, of course, Sport Relief.
Hob-nob with the famous. Okay, it’s a tweet-based illusion that people like @NickKristof, @JonSnowC4, and @johannhari101 want me to know what they’re thinking, but still: I get to know what they’re thinking. And Jon Snow did tweet me once, bless his colorful ties.
People have fun with Twitter. My friend Scott enjoys writing haiku as @apwpoet, while @paul_steele and an international cast of tweeters sing the hell out of songs like Sweet Caroline. Plus games like #mathsfilms (Angles in America) or #lessmachofilms (Black Hawk Down Comforter).
No tweep is an island
As @johndonne might say: “Every person’s life involves me, for I am involved in mankind. And therefore, never send to know for whom the tweet comes: it comes for thee.”
Now, please share: what got you started on Twitter, and what do you love (or not) about it?
The photo of the Tom Paine statue in Thetford, England is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported and created by Andrewself at English Wikipedia.
