It’s official: austerity is the new black. Yes, austerity is what you’ll be wearing for spring, unless you’re in the 1%, and Google Analytics tells me that only one of my readers falls into that category. (Hi there, super-rich person! Are you looking for a good cause? Do you need a writer to support?)
While I wait to hear back, let’s look at some ideas for creative “re-purposing.”
You wore it well
Did you know that ragged or too-tight jeans can be made into pot-holders? (Note: find someone who can sew. If you try to use the jeans as-is you’ll end up with burned fingers and bean casserole all over the floor.)
Or say you’ve got a fleece jacket disfigured with ugly brown stains that won’t wash out. (What are those stains? The bean casserole? Never mind.) Tuck the fleece inside a cardboard box and it will make a fine basket for your cat, Snoodles.
Or whatever its name is. I’m not stalking you, honest. If your cat’s name is Snoodles that’s just a weird coincidence.
Songs sung blue
And what about the songs of the 1960s, those brave beautiful cries of hope, protest, energy, and defiance? We can re-purpose those too! Not only for the new austerity, but also for those of us who are approaching — or have already arrived in — Senior Citizen Land. See my suggestions below. I’m sure you can think of others, especially if you play around with the titles.
Talkin’ ’bout my generation
You may be too young for these now, but just you wait, Henry Higgins. Just you wait.
Old Age: a postcard
“Twist and Shout” – Ow! My back!
“The Sound of Silence” – Turn up your hearing aids!
“The Weight” – I refuse to believe that this scale is accurate!
“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” – For women: This is a department store, right? Then why don’t you carry Spanx? For men: Viagra has never let me down before.
“I Can See for Inches” – It might be time for bifocals.
“I Saw Her Standing There” – But I couldn’t remember her name.
“Stand By Me” – In case I start to fall down.
“Tell Her No” – I’m not ready to join a bridge club yet.
“We’ve Got to Get Out of This Place” – The senior discount ended at 5:30.
Bad moon rising
It doesn’t matter what these songs used to mean any more than it matters that you used to have a savings account. That’s all over now, baby blue.
“Fortunate Son” – He’s graduating debt-free even if his parents have to work through their 70s.
“Gimme Shelter” – Remember when the Motel 6 actually cost $6?
“For What It’s Worth” – Dear Congressperson, here is my opinion of your bid to cut Social Security and Medicare.
“Shop Around” – But if you’re an American with pre-existing conditions, forget about health insurance.
“Magic Bus” – I couldn’t keep up the car payments.
“Chain of Fools” — Most politicians.
“If You’re Going to San Francisco” – Take $10 in quarters and allow half an hour to find parking.
Please don’t eat me!
“Light My Fire” – The gas has been cut off.
“White Rabbit” – Cheaper than chicken?
“The Times They Are A-Chargin’” – So I can’t read my favorite London and New York newspapers online any more.
“Blowing in the Wind” – My job. Your pension. Their house.
“Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” – So here’s my application for unemployment benefit.
“God Only Knows” – How we’re going to fix this mess.
“I Just Wasn’t Made for These Times” – And neither were you. But don’t lose hope. Chances are we’ll get through this together.
